Ms Prim and Ms Proper......buy a time share

 Ms Prim and Proper were relaxing in their conservatory. Proper had her feet up, a cup of strong Darjeeling in her hand and was engrossed in a riveting episode of “Murder She Wrote.” Prim was staring at the rivulets of rain that ran down the glass and surrounded by the voile curtains she imagined herself in a harem ripe for ravaging. Of course, she didn’t share her thoughts with Proper who’d be thoroughly disgusted but Prim, in another life, would have been quite improper!

 

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and Prim leapt up a  too energetically. Oh dear, thoughts of ravagement made her jumpy.

 

Prim opened the door to be confronted by a tall man in a pin stripe suit, a trilby and carrying a briefcase.

 

“I’m a salesman with something to sell to beautiful women,” he said with a gentle smile.

 

Prim gasped. He had the same stature and features as the man who she’d imagined ravaging her.

 

“Um…oh….I….” mumbled Prim, all of a fluster.

 

Proper was behind her, wondering who was disturbing her finding out the identity of the murderer of the drag queen.

 

“Who are you here to see?” she asked, wondering if Prim had given their address to some waif or stray. Prim was soft headed and could never say no.

 

“I’m here to see two beautiful ladies with exquisite taste and brilliance,” he said, beaming. His teeth were even and positively gleaming and Proper could never resist a man with good dental work.

 

“Er..come in,” she said, ushering him into the living room.

 

Proper glanced at herself in the mirror and primped her hair.

 

Prim gawped at Proper, she was preening herself oh so properly!

 

“So what can you do for us?” asked Proper looking into his eyes that were a piercing blue and admiring his chiselled jaw line.

 

Prim had noticed that Proper fawning over the handsome stranger. He was quite heart-stoppingly gorgeous with dark hair, wide shoulders, washboard abs (she surmised) and warm and friendly eyes.

 

“I’m the Imagination salesman,” he said in a husky voice,” I sell ideas and if you  buy I’ll give you something to make your eyes sparkle, your heart throb and your body sing.”

 Mses Prim and Proper were all ears though Proper was a  sceptical.

 

“And does this cost a lot of money?” she asked.

 

Prim was getting a touch irritated. It was just like Proper to spoil the party and talk about boring old money.

 

“No,” he said leaning towards Proper, “ there’s no money involved…you only need to sign on the dotted line!”

 

Proper swooned as she drank in his scent; “B & S” she was sure of it, an expensive brand and he had cufflinks to match. How cultured  - a man who knows how to dress she thought as she undressed him with her eyes.

 

Prim also felt herself strangely drawn to this man.

 

“What sort of ideas would do for me?” asked Prim, trying to fence in her imagination that was running wild with all kinds of things she’d like to do with this man.

 

“I see sunsets, sunrises and soft, sandy beaches, cocktails,” he whispered as if in a trance.

 

“Cocktails?” said Proper, “ I’m afraid we don’t drink!”

 

“Speak for yourself,” said Prim, suddenly animated,” I had a mocktail once.”

 

“And you were hungover for a week on a non-alcoholic drink,” cried Proper.

 

“I didn’t know I was allergic to mangoes!” said Prim.

 

“Ladies,” the stranger said,” I see you are both like-minded.”

 

Proper looked at Prim doubtfully – Prim was a bit of a stuffed shirt and Proper didn’t really know how to hang loose so she guessed they were.

 

Prim disappeared and then reappeared with a plate of scones. She’d have this stranger eating out of her hand.

 

“Coffee, tea or me?” she said, breathlessly.

 

“Oh my dear…not before you’ve signed on the dotted line,” said the stranger.

 

Proper pursued her lips at Prim’s wanton antics. Any moment and she’d rip her bodice open for all and sundry to see.

 

“So let’s get down to business,” she said sitting close to the stranger that their knees almost touched, “ what do you want us to buy?”

“Fifty shades of sand, sea & sunshine,” he whispered touching Ms Proper’s hand ever so gently.

 

 

Prim pursed her lips; Proper was making a right show of herself. Fifty shades….fifty shades…..where had she heard that before? Of course, at the DIY store, fifty shades of damson was what she’d decided to paint the shed with.

 

“What’s the name of your company?”

 

“Hook, Line & Sinker.”

 

“Oh, is this something to do with fishing?” asked Proper.

 

“The time share is set in a picturesque location……miles of white sand, close to the turquoise ocean with tiny cabanas to enjoy candlelit dinners on the beach under a million stars.” the man said putting an application form in front of her.

 

Proper peered at the form and signed it; she was sold.

 

“I suppose I could take my knitting along and Prim could bring along her “Cluedo” .”

 

“When do we get to see it?” asked Prim

 

“First you have to pay a deposit of £1000 and then monthly instalments of £500 for the rest of your life,” he said smiling like a cat who’d got the cream.

 

“For life?” whispered Proper, “you mean this is forever?.”

 

“And you always told me that nothing’s forever,” said Prim.

 

The man had grasped Proper’s hand and was stroking it. His eyes were like blue magnets.

 

“You won’t regret a thing!” he said, placing the form into his briefcase.

 

Proper felt as if she was walking on air.

 

“Will we see you again?”

 

“Of course, we have to go and check out your holiday home. Pack your bikinis!”

 

Prim and Proper sighed as they showed the handsome man out of the door.

 

“What have I done?” cried Proper having an epiphany.

 

“Your head and your heart exchanged places, had a fist fight, your heart stomped on your head and probably needs hospitalisation,” declared Prim.

 

Proper threw her a withering look.

 

“I suppose you were an innocent bystander!”

 

“I was studying his bulging biceps, impeccable pecs and magnificent structure….for my art portfolio,” replied Prim, her cheeks a tad flushed.

 

“You need a long, cold shower, Ms!” retorted Proper.

 

“Oh…wasn’t he just a the epitome of gorgeousness?” sighed Prim, unbuttoning her top button.

 

“Yes, but I’ve just committed the cardinal sin of spending money on frivolity,” said Proper, in despair.

 

“Think of it this way, we’re going to share time with bare chested hunks in speedos. Think of that firm flesh on show.”

 

“Oooh, it’s not Proper!” exclaimed Proper,” but she knew she’d sleep a  better tonight with unbridled lust to keep her warm.

 

“I’m going to let my imagination run wild…..I can’t wait to share time,” Prim squealed like a stuck pig, “get your holiday packing list ready and away we go!”