Ms Prim & Ms Proper......have a little retail therapy

Mses Prim & Proper were making shopping lists. Proper always believed it was important to plan, plan and even over-plan- oh yes – planning was her forte! Prim was more ideas and no action or action without any idea of the practical. On the outside, she might be Prim but, inside, she was spontaneous….a little bit  of spontanaeity never hurt anyone. Proper disagreed and hated impulses and Prim often wondered if she even had a pulse sometimes….Proper was ever so slightly extra…terrestrial!!

Retail therapy was wasted on Prim as she rarely splashed out and she made sure that she had a burkini on so as to not get too wet or exposed! Prim was a Sue Ryder kind of girl…….pious, vintage, floaty cast offs usually took her fancy. She often sported the clergy look and most of her outfits were bad nun-like habits! Proper was always properly turned out and loved to match clothes, jewellery, shoes, handbags and perfume. Proper was Donna Karan, Dolce & Gabbana, Louis Vuitton and Juicy Couture all rolled into one; she certainly had a nose for the finer things.

Both the ladies had been invited to a black tie dinner and dance at a prestigious hotel so it was vital that they found the right outfit. All the best people would be there including: Mr Ego, Mr Influential, Mr Pig-headed, Mr Narcissus and his wife, Mrs De-Vil! Proper loved to rub shoulders with the landed gentry and Prim just tagged along.

“Oooh, look at this Gucci handbag….so dreamy!” cried Proper going into ecstasies.

“£7,669” said Prim with a sour look, “ that could feed half of the Indian sub-continent!”

Proper pursed her lips and carried on browsing. Since Prim had met Mr Kill-Joy and Ms Holier-Than-Thou and got involved with dubious religious cults she had become primmer, pious and downright infuriating!

As the ladies mooched around the aisles, who should they see heading towards the Home Ware department but Mses Spendthrift, Brain-Dead and Tiffany-Faberge.

“OMG – Tiffany-Faberge…I love her eggs!” hissed Proper.

“Eggs? I like mine soft boiled with a sprig of dill on the side,” Prim replied feeling a little peckish.

“Jewel encrusted little objets d’art….worth a fortune!”

Prim was unimpressed and felt one of her migraines coming on.

Proper grabbed her arm and gravitated into the home ware department.

“I’ll have 300 of your best china pieces,” Tiffany said to the shop assistant.

Proper noted the design and make so that she could take a set home (when she’d saved up enough).

“Oh Pimm!” cried Spendthrift, “ what a surprise to see you in such  luxurious surroundings!”

Prim had to admit that she did feel like a goldfish out of its bowl.

“Oh we come often, don’t we?” interjected Proper, “ we were just looking for something for the Dinner & Dance.”

“In the Home Ware department?” said Brain-Dead in her dead pan voice.

“Hello Proper,” said Tiffany,” how are you?”

Proper studied Tiffany and noticed she wasn’t dressed up to her usual nines – no designer dress, shoes, handbag and she looked quite shabby and not even chic!

Tiffany noticed Proper staring.

“I’ve down-sized…no more Chanel, Dior, Nina Ricci and YSL….I’m travelling light…..to my next life.”

“Whaaat?” said Proper whilst Spendthrift rolled her eyes.

“Yes, she’s had an epiphany…a turning point!” trilled Spendthrift who was dressed up to the nines and dripping in jewellery and further weighed down by her large, fur coat.

Proper stared in disbelief.

“Prim knows……I’ve given up the vanity and am following Michael Kors to Africa.”

Proper looked at both Prim and Tiffany.

“Michael’s doing a food drive and we’ve had loads of donations,” said Tiffany, “so I thought I’d make my own humble contribution by providing the crockery from the best store in the country. Prim’s been such a dear, she’s baked a huge batch of cupcakes with the map of Africa iced on each one.”

Proper was speechless and had no idea that Prim was hob-nobbing with the likes of Tiffany Faberge and Michael Kors; no wonder she spent all her free time in church.

“I’d like to make a donation too,” said Proper, “how about cushions, quilt covers and some tea light holders? Those poor people need a little interior design to improve their huts and I’ll look for calming colours.”

Prim knew Proper had really lost the plot.

“Are we getting cutlery?” asked Brain-Dead in her dead pan voice.

“Oh yes, only the best will do for those poor souls!” said Tiffany.

“My poor soles are killing me,” said Spendthrift, “ I need a drink…a large one….how about you Pimm?”

Proper grabbed Prim and saying their goodbyes headed out through the large, revolving doors.

“I thought you wanted to get cushions, quilt covers and tea light holders,” said Prim.

“Oh I do….but from the Thriftstore! And when will you be seeing the illustrious Michael Kors again?”

“In church on Sunday; he’s the new vicar!”

Proper glared at Prim and Prim knew she was in trouble and all she ever wanted to do was help the poor.

“Cushions, quilts and tea light holders were not on your shopping list,” declared Prim.

“I’ve deviated from my plan and that’s your fault.”

Prim said nothing. Silence was golden and as priceless as a Faberge egg!