Ms
Prim & Ms Proper…..join Facebook!
Ms Prim was on the
bus one day returning from a shopping trip armed with bags when she overheard
some young people talking excitedly about Facebook. Putting faces in a book –
what a great idea! That would surely relieve the boredom of being prim.
Just as she got off
the bus and turned into the road, she almost fell over Ms Social Media. Prim
was a bit wary of her as she was known to have blue teeth and ears permanently
connected to her mobile phone and iPod. In fact, as she stared at Ms S-M now,
there was a locust-like gadget attached to her ear and she had an antenna
coming through her woolly hat.
“Hey Prim, you’re a
badass!”
Prim dropped her
bags wondering what “badass” was but was too prim to ask. She’d recently found
out that to be wicked, ill or sick was good and when you were bad, you were
good. Oh dear, the social world that other people lived in made her head spin.
“You heard the
latest from Dizzee Rascal?” asked Ms S-M gyrating to the tinny sounds that were
coming out of her head phones. Ms S-M did a little break dance right there on
the pavement in front of her. Ms Prim
felt that any dance was better performed in a ball room, in high heels and
sequins firmly behind closed doors.
“P, give me poke on
Facebook sometime,” said Ms S-M waving to her as her mobile phone went off with
a ring tone that sounded like a cat being strangled.
A poke? Ms Prim’s
imagination went into overdrive. A poker was usually used to stir a log fire so
maybe a Facebook poke could stir a fire in her heart. Yes….that would certainly
cure her boredom.
Prim went into the
house quietly and put her shopping away. She tiptoed to the computer and sat
down. Proper was watching “It’s Complicated” for the sixteenth time and Poupou
was munching on some cabbage.
Prim logged in and
created her Facebook account. She then searched for Ms Social-Media and added
her as a friend. She was shocked to discover that Ms Proper already had an
account with a whole assortment of friends – Ms Pious, Ms Fifty Shades, Ms Doormat,
Ms Neat Freak, Ms Moralistic and Ms
Motivator. Ms Prim was not going to be outdone and added all of Ms Social
Media’s friends – Ms Bump & Grind, Ms Kool, Ms Dynamite, Ms Mash-Up, Ms
Vajazzle and others. Ms Fifty Shades?
The nerve of Proper to hook up with her?!! That sort of association just wasn’t
proper!
Prim wondered how to
update her status, it had to be something hip and trendy.
“I’m a sandwich
short of a loaf….anyone want to butter me up?” she typed.
As she looked at the
screen, she noticed that she’d got 50 likes and a stream of compliments from
“Little Man in a Dirty Coat.”
Prim replied and
then he responded. Back and forth, forth and back, comments were flying - it
was like a digital tennis match. Every time she hit return he did the same.
This Facebook thingy could keep you amused for hours, Prim thought. She was
having fun and thought she’d upload some photos - selfies –a picture of her
elbow, eye, ankle, forehead, eyebrow, shin and toes. At least they were more
respectable than some of the photos she’d seen on some people’s walls!
“A visitor for you,”
shrilled Proper. Prim quickly logged out and was surprised to see Ms Social
Media at the door with a man.
“Hey P, came for
your tea party?” said Ms S-M adjusting her antenna.
“Party?” cried
Proper,” what party?”
“The one Prim said
she was making sandwiches for,” replied Social Media ushering the man in.
“Mine’s cucumber,”
he quipped.
“I wrote something
witty about my status on FB,” confessed Prim.
“Facebook” cried
Proper,”what are you doing on there?”
“Same as you,”
retorted Prim.
“I know how to use
that social facility responsibly.”
“Oh yes, Ms Fifty
Shades must have shown you a few tricks…with a red tie and handcuffs!
Proper eyes widened
like saucers.
“If you must know, Ms
Fifty Shades is selling a new range of sunglasses,” she explained.
“Yeah, I get mine
from her shop,” the man said.
“And you are?” asked
Proper, feeling uncomfortable that a M-A-N was in her home uninvited.
“Little Man in a
Grey Coat at your service,” he said winking at Prim.
Prim wished the
floor would open and swallow her up.
“I…er….um…ooh,” she
mumbled.
“I’m afraid there’s
no tea party and I have an urgent appointment so if you’ll excuse us,” said
Proper taking charge of the situation.
“But me and Prim
want to hang out,” said Little Man in a Grey Coat with a sly smile.
“The only things
that Prim and I hang out are our laundry,” said Proper defensively.
Prim was a little
bit smitten that one of her FB friends had come visiting.
“Let’s meet in the
chat room – instant message me – I’m “Naughty Boy”online,”
Prim blushed and
felt a little peculiar.
“Well, I brought you
a little present anyway,” said Social-Media,” it’s made for ladies like you – a
love rabbit!”
“But we’ve already
got a rabbit,” said Proper noticing Poupou chewing on a wire that trailed from
S-M’s trouser leg.
“This one is very
easy to keep, no food or water….just luuurve!” whispered Social Media and burst
into a fit of giggles.
Proper closed the
door behind them wondering how they were going to manage another pet.
Prim unwrapped the banana shaped luminous pink object.
“What are we
supposed to do with this?”
“I think we should
put it on the mantelpiece with the fertility symbol that we got from Butlin’s!”
said Prim.
“Are you going to
keep your FB account?”
“No I think Facebook
is a silly idea. I want to start Body Book and post our eyes, ears, eyebrows,
jaws, cheeks on it,” said Prim thoughtfully.
“Oooh,” said
Proper,” I love the thought of staring into someone’s eyes.”
And with that
thought, the two ladies discussed their new venture - Body Book - over some cucumber sandwiches.
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